I never agreed with that statement. I have always been of the persuasion that if you have been gifted with a child you have the sole responsibility to bring that child up. Being sure you have brought them to full maturity. I have since learned that that is a falsity.
Being the mother of a addict certainly has its way of humbling you, opening your eyes to reality. If I were to take FULL credit for where my two daughters are in their lives, the level of maturity they both have, the positive paths they have chosen. I would also have to take FULL responsibility for the negative path my addict son has chosen. I can’t take one with out the other.
The truth is it does “take a village”. There are so many people I could list and take up much space here doing so who have poured into my daughters lives. People who have come along side them, people who have given them direction and love that have made a HUGE difference in their lives. For them I am truly grateful. Because of “the village” they are amazing young women, who are in turn pouring into other lives.
So why have I felt like I have had to be the one to bring my addict son to maturity? To be the one to push him along; out of addiction, as if I could anyway. It is “taking a village”. Some of it seemingly conventional; detoxes, rehabs, halfway houses. Some of it unconventional; homelessness, hunger, jail time. And now, when I thought he should be in a Sober House somewhere… (Anywhere but home). God is using our home and the love and mentoring of a man who came into his life completely out of the blue to reach the brokenness in his heart.
12 years ago, when he began to dabble in smoking pot and drinking I began praying for a mentor for him. His dad and I had divorced, and for whatever reason his dad had walked away. I prayed fervently for someone who would come along side my boy. I have anguished over the fact that no one had ever stepped up to the plate. Those of us closet to him have tried, none of us could get through. I think he thought we were the village idiots who had no clue.
Out of the blue comes a man, who has struggled with addiction in his past. A man who not only offers him a job in a trade my son enjoys, but offers him so much more. Although I know he is just a man, a man who has the potential to fail… there is a connection growing there, a trust in him that my son has never exhibited before for another man in his life. Men have have always left him or failed him. His dad; walked away when he needed him the most. His beloved grandfather passed away shortly after. And as much as his step-father has tried and extended love, he would never trust.
Its ok that it “takes a village”. We are not meant to be the ones to solely bring our children all the way to maturity. (Don’t get me wrong… we have a lot of work that is required of us to raise our children). I am so very thankful for all who have poured into my children, and especially now into my son, my addict. So that one day he too will be apart of the village and have so much to pour into another.