As the mother of an addict I know I’ve done some pretty foolish and maybe even dangerous things in the name of “saving my addict”. Things that when I now stand back and look at what I’ve done or the places I’ve gone, I shudder in horror.
Like the time I took on a drug dealer on the phone, a dealer who had called me to tell me my son owed him $500.00 dollars and I best pay up… after some heated words, some of which included my telling him he was a poor business man for fronting a person without a job drugs he couldn’t pay for, and suggesting he would be better off working at McDonalds, said dealer went on to tell me he was coming to my home to take us all out… I said “well come on down, I’ll call the police and have them here before you can get here”….
I DO NOT in any way suggest that you do likewise. The dealer never showed, (thank God) but I was pretty foolish. I must admit this kind of (insane) behavior on my part continued. My enabling insanity could have brought much wrath on my home, and more importantly my innocent family. The cycle of such things went on for some time. Until I finally realized I wasn’t helping my son (as he actually got a kick out of my taking on the dealers, fighting his battles.) Never mind there were a few times I had paid such dealers just to stop the phone calls.
When I had finally stopped such behavior, and was working hard at ending my enabling; a call had come about 9PM on October 31, 2008, it was my son telling me he had been kidnapped and if I didn’t bring him $500 immediately they would beat him.
I hung up the phone…
and this time instead of running to his rescue I let fate take its course. He had indeed been kidnapped; he had been zip-tied to a tree and beaten pretty badly. At about 11PM a police officer called our home to tell us they found my son, as they had received a call from another friend of his who had also gotten a call. They took him to the hospital where he was stitched up and X-rayed from head to toe. The men who did this to him all went to prison, one of which is still there today.
This lesson was a double edged sword for our family. My son, traumatized by this event stopped using drugs for a while. Fear can be a motivator to the addict. I learned that I have to step back and let the consequences fall where they may as difficult as it was to see my son after this had happened to him and even feeling the guilt of not running to him and giving over yet another $500. Rescuing my son could easily become a full time job, one that would just continue the insanity cycle, bankrupting our family and worse yet never stopping the addiction. Only continue to feed it.
As difficult as it can be… do whatever it takes to STOP the INSANITY CYCLE. Breaking the cycle can bring some tough consequences, but it can also bring about the route of change we so desire to happen.
A Mothers Heart 
I also have found myself in some pretty dangerous situations, and yet at the time I was desperate. I would never advise a mother to go to the lengths that I had to find her son or to engage in any activity that involved unscrupulous people…much too risky. You are absolutely correct when you say this nonsense could have been stopped much sooner had I not become involved, but when we know better, we do better. Wish I couldn’t say “been there, done that”…hope this post reaches moms who are new to this journey, could save them a lot of heartache and sleepless nights. Great post.
I have had dealers call my home and say the same things to me, I did not give into them. I was furious to have them call my home and invade my family this way. My parents have gotten phone calls the last 2-months from people saying she “owed them money” as well, and the last 2-times they have not gave my daughter money. I am not sure or not if she was held against her will, raped, and beat up by this person as she claims.But, She tends to go back to the same house each time after she calls us to say “I got away, can you meet me, etc”, which i have not. She is in jail today, and leaving her there. She still tells the same story at the time of her arrest. If she had been raped and beat up, the police would have her taken to the hospital to be examined and pictures taken then off to jail for the out-standing warrent. that is protocol. When I had 4-voice messages from her stating all this, she did not sound like a girl who had been thru all of that. she was not crying, etc. sounded just fine.
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I’ve never had a dealer call my house. But, back in the day, I admit that I helped my son to pay his dealer off. I couldn’t bear the thought of my son being hurt. I’m so thankful that dealers are no longer a part of my son’s life. I’ve been there, and there are times when I instinctively want to rescue my son from irresponsible financial choices. I just discovered your blog, and will read some more to better understand where you are at right now. Blessings, Debby.
Debby,
Thank you for “finding” the blog… And I’m so glad that your son is in a good place. I look forward to the day that I can say the same.
Susan