Living in De’NILE (Denial)

The Nile River, considered to be one of the longest rivers of the world encompassing 4130 miles as it winds through parts of Africa and Egypt is rich in history.  Most of us have heard of Cleopatra and her struggles along the Nile.  Struggles in my opinion that lead ultimately to her death, whether you believe she took her own life or was killed by an outsider who put a cobra in the basket.  Denial of her problems in the leadership world ultimately took her life…

De’Nile is never a good place to live…

Denial from the Wikipedia:

Denial (also called abnegation) is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. The concept of denial is particularly important to the study of addiction.

I found this definition to be eye opening.  That last sentence is actually part of the definition.

The concept of denial is particularly important to the study of addiction.

That’s right folks; denial is part of the process, both for the addict and for us as loved ones of addicts. We both will jump into the river of denial and swim there for some time.  Addicts stay longer, it’s part an parcel of what happens to the brain as it becomes overwhelmed with constant drug use and abuse.  But us as parents/siblings etc it’s high time we get the heck out the river. 

In order for us to actually be on the helping end of their Recovery instead of the enabling end, we need to:

STOP denying the existence of addiction,

STOP denying that we have enabled,

STOP denying that ‘home isn’t a safe place’, and

STOP denying that we act in ways that if we were not in denial we would never act.  (see yesterdays post)

And I’m sure there is list of other areas in which we deny that we need to come to grips with as we face our own Recovery process.  In order to get a good grip on the reality of our loved ones addiction it takes climbing out of the river of De’Nile and living on the firm banks of reality. I pray we each do that and do what we can to support each other as we go through the process of getting rid of our sea legs and walking firmly on solid ground.

3 comments on “Living in De’NILE (Denial)

  1. lauren says:

    I have been reading your blog and it helps me immensely. I have one question abouy something you just said, “STOP denying “that home isn’t a safe place.” Do you mean its a safe place for addicts to live and they should live at home? or Do you mean they shouldn’t live at home? I was just wondering your take on it. Thanks

    • susanjsilva says:

      It is my opinion that home is not safe for an addict. Not because we as parents are doing something to make it unsafe, but because its too easy for all of us to slip back to old habits. Both the addict and the family. The addict needs to be somewhere where they can learn to live without drugs. and while that is happening for them, we need that time to become stronger. So when they do come home, maybe somewhere donw the road, it will be under a whole new approach to living.

      • lauren says:

        Thank you Susan. I feel the same way.My one son is in a halfway house, on methadone, been there 7 months. I do not want him living at home ever again. He has written checks off our accounts, stole money off our credit cards, went in our and our dughters accts, had all our numbers and codes off back of credit cards ss# ,pins numbers ..he was going to sell it to a drug dealer, stole jewlery, etc. I never feel safe to leave him alone even when he visits, he’s to smart and alot of damage can be done before you find out they have relapsed. My other son is 1/2 way across the country living on the streets of Denver. Hopped in a truck at a local truck stop and off he went. Maybe this is right where GOD wants him. I have a younger daughter at home whose life needs to be stable. Thanks for clarifying that..I get alot out of your blog. Thank you.

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