I love Rollercoasters! Get me to an amusement park and I will stand in line all day to ride them. I remember one year I was about 14 or so and our family took their annual trip to Lincoln Park, and that year we; my dad and my two older sisters and myself road the rollercoaster 14 times. One of my favorite amusement parks of all times is Cedar Point in Sandusky Ohio, with a current count of 17 Rollercoasters. Our family has been there twice.
But the Addiction Rollercoaster isn’t an amusement park ride…
For some; drug use may very well start out as an amusement… the thrill of partying with friends ect. But once the snare of addiction has caught them the amusement is taken out of the ride. The once thrill of the highs and quick rush of the downhill plunge and the whipping around fast corners turn into a hellish nightmare. The hands in the air as you plunge down that first hill feeling freer then you have before turns into a white knuckle grip as you the addict plunges into withdrawal and the absolute need for more drugs. With that comes all the out of control behaviors of stealing, lying, manipulating as they whip around corner after corner.
We, the loved ones in the early stages of addiction stand by waiting on the ground watching as they stay on the coaster, every time the coaster comes to a near halt at the gate we wait for them to get off, and they don’t. It takes off again slowly up that hill and our loved ones are completely out of reach. Each time the coaster comes by the gate we see their faces, the painful gaunt look in their eyes, and the white ashen skin tone of being on the ride for too long. Yet we stand there and wait…
We cheer when they finally get off the coaster and get relief. They enter a Detox or Rehab and for a few weeks life seems safe for them and less weary for us. Until we hear that they are once again standing in line to get back on the rollercoaster. We rush to gate and try to coax them to get out of the line, they slightly turn their head in our direction and we think we have got to them; they hear us pleading and will get out of line. But we stand there aghast that their head turns back toward the roller-coaster, we stand and watch as they climb back in feeling absolutely helpless. We watch the coaster pull away from the gate and see our loved ones hands go up in the air as they anticipate that first free fall…
And our hearts break all over again. Our only defense is to walk away from the gate and stop watching, and when we are ready to even leave the park.
A Mothers Heart 