Walking in Newness

A while ago a friend shared with me some wise words about Recovery.  A family member who had been sober for over 20 years had imparted them on her and in turn she offered them to me.

“You will know when your son is ready to walk a life of Sobriety when; He has New Playmates, A New Playground and New Playthings.” 

It certainly made sense to me.

At that time I had yet to see any of that take place in his life.  He was always certain he could hang with his old buds… and he did.  The gravity of his old life pulled him back time and time again to the people, places and things that would eventually draw him back to drugs.

Last summer he lived in a Faith based sober environment where he memorized…

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

He knew this to be true and he knew it was what he needed to take on in order to walk free of addiction.  But he had yet to make the choice…

Today, 115 days into his New walk, he has indeed found New Friends; ones that have walked the same struggle but are also wanting to walk in Newness.  As well as finding new places and new ways to play.  There has been a whole shift in who he is.  He is hungry to move on with his life in a way he never has before.  Over a month ago he and I sat on the front steps of my home and he said very seriously…

“I’m about to be 25 years old, I’ve wasted enough of my life with this crap, time to move on.”

I’m no fool, I know that Recovery is about one day at a time, and at any time he could fall.  But for today and the last 114 days I am thankful that there seems to be NEWNESS in him.  One that keeps drawing him further down the road called Recovery.


Chaos Kills





From where I stand at this moment in my Journey I can look back and see so much chaos that existed in my life.  For years I thrived on it.  As a FIXER by nature we love chaos because it gives us the opportunity to run in and TRY to FIX things.  FIXER’s need Chaos to survive.

As the parent of an addict you can be sure of there being A LOT of chaos as long as you (1) allow the active addict to live in your home and (2) Continue to believe you have the power to FIX them.  I had plenty of #1 and # 2.  My son actively used drugs for about 5 years while in my home.  For a while I lived in denial, and then eventually I thrived on trying to fix him.  My life was full of chaos.

About two and half years ago with the help of two dear friends I started to see just how unhealthy all that chaos was for my family.  Still not convinced that it was bad for me, I at least began to see that it wasn’t good for my then 7 year old.  Slowly I came to the realization that it wasn’t good for me either.  Not only that, but that I had absolutely NO power to fix what was so broken inside my son.

Just over two years ago we asked our son to leave our home as he was actively using and saw no reason to end his out of control lifestyle.  During this time I’ve worked my own Recovery road, reading, doing my best to apply the principals I’ve read, seeking God and relying on Him for strength and giving over my son to Him.

I wouldn’t trade this part of the Journey for anything, through it I’ve been able to give back, to come along side others who are hurting.  Help them take the first few steps down their own New Journey of stepping away from the chaos.  I’ve met others who are a number of steps ahead of me, who have helped me take another step when I’ve needed the help.  But like any journey, it has its moments where you wish you could close your eyes to the sights around you.  Almost like coming on a bad accident on the highway.  I recently had such a sight on my journey.

A Family came into my life that who had no clue just how much they were addicted to chaos, so much so that when there was none going on, they had to create it.  And in creating it, it spun so out of control a tiny life was lost.  Chaos kills, not only can it kill the spirit of another, it can produce enough stress that it can take a life.

Please my friends; let us take serious the effects of chaos on our lives and the lives around us.  We do not have the power to fix our addicts.  Yet we must understand that there is power in Chaos and it’s a power that can bring about death on so many levels.  The death of relationship, the death of the spirit and in some cases the death of a life.

May we choose carefully how we move forward in the Journey of our own Recovery.