It’s been quite a bit since I’ve posted. Quite frankly I’ve been afraid to post my thoughts. Just when I think things are going well and I post about some accomplishment or the victory of my son taking a few more baby steps forward… in a matter of days it would all come crashing down around me. The victory would be short lived, what was accomplished needed to be accomplished yet again as it didn’t stick the first time. Making me just not want to post…
2012 is past. With it my son was able to put together some decent clean time. But I sense a struggle coming. We parents can usually feel it in our gut. He is battling with some of the behaviors that addiction brings. Clean time is great, and I rejoice over what time he has put together… but there is still a fierce battle that needs to be waged. One that will take an inner strength and resolve both my son and I will need to muster. Some of these behaviors are quite destructive, and they keep rearing their ugly head.
He has admitted that he needs someone to talk to, he knows he has a pit he has to climb out of and he can’t do it alone. I know there is something’s I can do to help along the way, guidance I can offer, always being willing to point to the direction he needs to head. But just like I can’t make him stop doing drugs… I also CAN NOT make him change his behaviors. He needs to have the desire within himself to change.
My own Recovery from enabling is at risk… I need to operate in truth. And the Truth is I have not stood as firmly as I should have the last few months in regards to his behavior. I need to be open about this battle, for when I am open about it, I gain the strength I need to stand firm.
Chiseling out a line in concrete is hard work, and I can’t do it alone. Just as my son cannot overcome his battle alone, neither can I.
As a family we vowed to do things different, it was a family meeting that will become the bedrock of 2013. That bedrock is firmly based on… “If nothing Changes… Nothing Changes” the first of those changes is our pledge to Operate in Truth. For truly TRUTH is the best of foundations to stand on.
“Never let us be guilty of sacrificing any portion of truth on the altar of peace.” ~ J. C. Ryle
A Mothers Heart 
You could have been describing my grandson’s struggles with addiction and what my daughter and all of us are going through every day! I am so glad to have found this website and forwarded the link to my daughter. M
Masha,
This is one of the most difficult struggles I have ever been through in my life. Through writing I have found strength, peace and numerous new friends who walk this journey with me. Know that your family does not walk alone…
Because of Hope.
Susan
I hesitate in posting for the very same reasons. Always afraid if I do, the other shoe will drop. I am getting better though. My son’s last relapse has reinforced my resolve and I too am operating on the “nothing changes if nothing changes” mode. I find that my strength to stand firm has increased and thats a good thing. Love it when you post!
My 26 year old son ready and willingly entered Rehab for Oxycondone Addiction .. He has been addicted to his drug of choice for 1 year . He had many weeks at a time of sobriety . He tried IOP , private counseling and goes to AA or NA meetings . I am vigilant in my Alanon meetings . But I can’t stop fearing the possibility of overdosing .. I sent him out of my home twice when he relapsed , which helped him surrender to his need to take a leave of absence and to go to in-patient for a 30 day private pay center . There is a drug out that a family member can administer to prevent your loved one from overdosing . I struggle with when he is released and clean for his 40 days , that if I don’t allow him a short stay home . I would never forgive myself if I was not there to give him that drug if he relapsed . He used his drug in privacy and not with friends .
Is it wrong to allow him back in a safe supportive environment ? And what are some other boundaries I can set in place other than .. Active recovery program , regular drug testing , not bailing him out of anything , watching or holding his extra cash and his bank account .
Maureen,
The drug you are referring to that stops overdose from happening is called NARCAN. I would strongly suggest if have him come home that you get this.
As for allowing him to come back home… Setting boundaries is imperative, but may I suggest you keep them simple. such as:
* No drug use (and must submit to random drug testing)
* No violence
*No stealing
And for each of these you need to set a consequence, and one that you WILL enforce.
A great book I strongly suggest you read is “Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children” by Alison Bottke. I have posted several writings here in regard to that book.
But do NOT feel guilty if your not ready to have him come home. Letting them take the next step in the process is OK. IF they can get into a longer term program such as a half way house and putting even more clean time together before them come home. It can be a benefit for them as well as for you.
If there is anything I can do to help please do not hesitate to reach out.
Because of Hope
Susan