Restoration part 2 – After the Tin Snips


Image

Definition of Rust: Rust occurs when iron or an alloy that contains iron, like steel, is exposed to oxygen and moisture for a long period of time. Given sufficient time, oxygen, and water, any iron mass will eventually convert entirely to rust and disintegrate. Surface rust is flaky and friable, and provides no protection to the underlying iron.

My last post left me surmising the pile of rust that lay before me.  After cutting it all away, what was left of the relationship barely resembled a skeleton.  I’m pretty sure even the skeleton was missing a leg, maybe even part of hand.  It had taken me much too long to understand the depth of my son’s illness, and the extent of its harm on our family.  

It took an event, like such had never happened before in my presence to see the true condition for myself.  It (the event) was a magnifying glass through which I had no other option but to see completely through the eyes of the other members of the family.  As this event unfolded, and the true condition of my son’s heart, soul and mind were lay before me ALL of my motherly hopes fell to the ground.  I had no other option but to cut away all that was corrosive for no other reason but in hopes of one day a true restoration process might begin.

For the first time in nearly 9 years, I completely shut my son out of my life.  I did not answer his calls, his texts.  After several attempts on his part to reach me, he stopped trying.  He knew I would not and could not respond.  I knew he was living in a car in the snow and yet I knew I would do nothing about it.

 I let the rust sit.

His girlfriend’s mother tried reaching me to DO SOMETHING THEY ARE SLEEPING IN THE CAR IN THE SNOW…  I could only respond with… He knows where the shelters are, if he is choosing to sleep in the car that is on them…

I let the rust sit.

He tried to pull me into his drama while he lay in a hospital bed supposedly sick.  I didn’t respond.

I let the rust sit.

It would take me 4 months to begin to allow myself to respond.  During those 4 months I went over and would look at the rust pile, see what was there.  Poke at it some to see if truly had no life left in it… and try to process in my heart why I had been so blind to its full existence.  It took me that long to begin to trust my own heart to relate to him based on the truth of his condition and the truth of my past response. 

Oh, I had long put enabling away… but there were still those Rose colored glasses that I preferred to look through, when what I needed was that Magnifying glass that exposed the truth.   I had to throw those on that pile of rust too.

I couldn’t begin a real restoration until I had  taken a complete inventory of what I had to work with.  This would be NO PATCH UP… this would require getting down to the bare bones, and probably even replacing some of the bones. 

Come back for more of the process…

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s