With the pile of Rust gone through and cleaned up it was time to take a real look at what was left if anything to salvage to begin the process of bringing it (the relationship) back to life.
There was absolutely no Trust left.
Not much left in the area of Care.
A gaping hole was where Concern was supposed to be.
And the section where Help was, had completely disintegrated.
But the Drivers Door was somehow still intact.
My first thought was to see if would still open, and if it did maybe I could climb in and access what was inside. But as I contemplated doing so I realized I had sat in that seat many times and hadn’t done a very good job at “driving” the relationship. I walked around to the passenger side and the door was banged up… but it was open. Maybe, just maybe I would try this for now.
Letting my God take the driver’s seat of the relationship between my son and I was the best decision I could make. It totally freed me up. I no longer had to worry about the direction it would take, should take, will take. I knew with Him in the drivers seat, that it would take the shape it needed to.
With one less thing to have to worry about I could get back to my restoration work.
That’s right, that pile of rust had belonged to me. Not my addict. It wasn’t my job to cut the rust away on him. It was for me to cut mine away…
Now to start gathering the new materials I would need to fill in those holes!
Wow. Thank you for being so courageous to share this. I was going to respond to the first of these restoration posts but thought better of it. I cannot admit that I am at the same place you are at…allowing the Lord to cut away the rust. Nor should I be. Each of us is in a different place of recovery. But I am on the journey non the less, and if I get to the process you are at, I am thankful to hear in your “voice” you not only have survived it, you are thriving! Fear has been one of the pals I have hung around with for too long. I am positive there are other “pals” tagging along but not sure what those are just yet. Thank you again for being so transparent in your blog. My boy sits in prison, wanting an early release (he has 1.5 years left), and when I think about him being out, the old “pal” wants to buddy around with me again. I know where he is. AND I know the plans God has for him (and me for that matter) are for good and not harm..to give him a future and a hope, plans to prosper him. Thank you again, blessings, Renee
Renee, Its been a long journey! And there have been times I’ve thought I had already gotten to this point, but God knew better. You will know when its time to cut your Pal loose and God will provide the right tool and the right time for you to do it. I’m not saying it won’t be painful, cuz this was for sure! Cutting away what needs to be cut will always be painful, but what will come later we are promised will be so much better! “Fear NOT!” Cut when your ready!
Thank you Susan, pain is a constant “pal” when on this journey. I know the encouragement, then the dashing on the rocks of despair. I try not to ride that coaster, but sometimes find myself back on it. I need Jesus..in every possible way. And, if this journey is the tool He uses to bring me or my son to where He wants us, so be it (even though I do not like it much).
What a powerful series of posts! Right when I most needed it too! I almost climbed into the driver’s seat myself this week when my son got arrested. But I made the choice to become a passenger and let God do the driving. I have such an enormous pile of rust (my rust) but I am finding that when you keep your perspective it doesn’t look insurmountable!
A blessing reading your blog. We are parents to an adult addict son who was clean for 11 years until his recent relapse. Bright young man who had worked hard to establish himself as a substance abuse specialist, counseling and teaching both men and women addicts the keys to recovery. We, as parents, used to wonder what we had “done wrong”, but after years of counseling and Alanon, we came to accept and understand we had not “caused” this. Our home was alcohol and drug free with a strong Christian home life, but God has allowed this difficult disease to be a part of our family, and we continue this journey one day at a time. God’s blessings as you continue blogging for those of us who find your story filled with encouraging nuggets of truth and transparency. ~ Julia McMahan
Thank you Julia, this has been a long journey. And had it not been for my faith I probably would have curled up in a ball somewhere. I will be praying for your son, that he will again gain much ground in his recovery!!!