Restoration Pause


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It’s been about a month or so since I last posted.  I’ve had to step away once again from the relationship, not due to relapse on my son’s part, but due to other factors that addiction has caused.  Each of us I’m sure has experienced the manipulation and if you like me been on this road for a while (for us it’s been 9 years) our addicts have come to expect that we “take care of them”.   

Mine certainly does.

Many times I have reminded him that I have “cut him off” from ‘borrowing money’.  And when I had finally got to the place of being willing to once again enter into a relationship with him after months of having the doors closed I told him…”Do not ask for money, I will not give it to you.”  It wasn’t but three weeks…

He asked.

My fragile state of relationship with him shattered once again.  I let him know that when he wanted/was able to have a relationship with me based on the fact that we were mother and son and not based on his needing me to be his bank… let me know.  The car door closed when I dropped him back off where he lives.  He said “I love you mom”… I said

Nothing

Just before I left for a trip to California I text him with these simple words “I forgive you”.  As a mom, my heart will always love him and want the best for him.  I would never want for me to pass from this world and have him live with the thought that I would not/could not forgive him. 

So once again, I made my way over to the Restoration Relationship project and have picked up the tools to begin yet again.

Fragile

Tentative

But Hopeful that one day there will be a transformation, a corner turned that will bring beauty out of the rust.

 

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