It’s been about a month or so since I last posted. I’ve had to step away once again from the relationship, not due to relapse on my son’s part, but due to other factors that addiction has caused. Each of us I’m sure has experienced the manipulation and if you like me been on this road for a while (for us it’s been 9 years) our addicts have come to expect that we “take care of them”.
Mine certainly does.
Many times I have reminded him that I have “cut him off” from ‘borrowing money’. And when I had finally got to the place of being willing to once again enter into a relationship with him after months of having the doors closed I told him…”Do not ask for money, I will not give it to you.” It wasn’t but three weeks…
My fragile state of relationship with him shattered once again. I let him know that when he wanted/was able to have a relationship with me based on the fact that we were mother and son and not based on his needing me to be his bank… let me know. The car door closed when I dropped him back off where he lives. He said “I love you mom”… I said
Just before I left for a trip to California I text him with these simple words “I forgive you”. As a mom, my heart will always love him and want the best for him. I would never want for me to pass from this world and have him live with the thought that I would not/could not forgive him.
So once again, I made my way over to the Restoration Relationship project and have picked up the tools to begin yet again.
But Hopeful that one day there will be a transformation, a corner turned that will bring beauty out of the rust.
Bless your heart. This sounds all too familiar. I know the hurt and disappointment when you realize they haven’t changed. I call it a “learned behavior”, the good news is it can be unlearned. But they will only be willing to unlearn it when it doesn’t work for them any longer. I made it work for my daughter way too long. Prayers your way…take care.
Thank you for praying. I know that prayer works and it stirs the heart of God to move on our behalf. Its my desire to see him transformed into a man who clings to God and seeks after His heart much like David of the Old Testament.
My dear sweet daught in the Lord,
I came across your blog yesterday, I have read, not all, but most of you posting. I can tell by your picture that I probably am old enough to be your mother, I am 66years old and a grandmother of 5 precious grandchildren. I especially am drawn to your mothers heart, not just your comments but, to the” heart of the mother who is not ashamed to Glorify her Savior.” I am in great sorrow and pain, as well as my husband and adult Son.. We have been caring for 3 elderly parents for the last 11 years, and happy to do so. They lived into their 90’s and so it has been a hard and tiring road but the Lord gives Grace.
My daughter who is 41yrs. old is addicted to prescription drugs,Oxycodone, and also is a full blown alcoholic. She left our home at 20 in Rebellion and married an unbeliever. We embraced him and loved him dearly. I have a 17 yr old grandson from her and her daughter is only 8 years old. She has been alloff but cordial, distant. I have found out this year that she was on Marijana and drinking 2 years before she left our home. Which I now no why she was so harsh and rebellious. She was driving drinking, and would not listen to her husband, and he was concerned for the childrens safety. She is mean spirited and everything was in his face, she tells him she hates him and wants him dead. Last December she was thrown into jail for DWI and lost her liscense. In January he filed for divorce AND CUSTODY OF THE CHILDREN.They are divorced and he has custody, although we still see them regularly. My goal in life was to raise christian children to know the Lord, because nothing else in life is as important. I have a 44 year old son, saved, married a godly woman, has three grown children all serving the Lord. For that I am blessed and grateful. Family has been more important to me than anything this life had to offer.
My question to you, is would you mind if I write you again, privately and ask some questions about addiction? I have learned not to enable, but I am having a terrible time seperating some of the things my husband and son thinks we should do, with my own motherly emotions.What if this is to harsh or its wrong? I listen to my husband because I know it is the right thing, he also is a Godly man. I don’t want to in any way burden you, but if you have the time, I would love to pass a few questions by you, as I feel that you understand addiction, the pain of having this same struggle, and yet I believe your counsel would be more biblical than some peoples. Since the divorce, a daughter I have never known has showed up and I am still in shock! She has been able to hide this very well for 18 years from us and the loss of my grandchildren not being with their mom is more than I can bare at times. I am torn with the pain of the children who no longer have their mom in their home, it breaks my heart.
I appreciate you listening and if you want you can let me know about the questions. The one thing I have learned in all my life serving Christ, and the trials I have gone through,is that He is Faithful. God bless you in your struggle with your son, nothing touches our heart more than our children.He has carried me to the other side, when there seemed to be no way, He made a way. So I Trust him.
Like Peter said, Lord where else is there to go? You have the words of Eternal Life.
Thank you for your time Susan
Love to you in Christ
I would be glad to speak with you privately. Please email me at EBHOPE@comcast.net and I will give you my cell phone number.
Because of Hope!