No Counting


My last posts have been about the process of restoring my relationship with my son.  The Holidays always seem to force us to move forward with relationships even if we are not quite ready.  Mostly out the nostalgia of Christmas’ past.  We all long for those fireplace lit, warm cozy, snow falling kind of picturesque moments during the holiday season.  I’m no different. 

I saw many pictures and posts on the social media pages I belong to showing off sons and daughters that were 2 weeks clean, 46 days clean, 90 days clean running up to Christmas Eve.  I remember well counting every day and adding them to the “Clean Calendar” I was keeping for my son.  Those days were important; they were part of the process of keeping myself sane along that part of the journey. 

I stopped counting months ago, as much hope as I received during the clean days, I also endured just as much of a let down on the days that ended in relapse. I somehow came to the place where I knew recovery and relapse are all part of the same journey.  And if I were to keep myself in the reality of the moment I had to except that both will be part of whole.  Over the last year he’s had both.  And though I have been elated for the one and devastated by the other, I have stopped counting completely. 

I have no idea how many days he’s been clean to date.  But what I do know is this…

 the young man that I see before me as of late looks healthier then he has in years, speaks clearly, loves deeply, is fighting hard to regain all that he lost, is making every effort toward change; battling with his demons along the way as well as working hard to regain his trust with his family.   Counting the clean days has lost its importance but what will remain important to me is the slow yet steady march he persists at to regain his life.

For 2014 I will not count days, but I will count on the hope of a regained life!    

7 comments on “No Counting

  1. Jennifer Hurley says:

    Oh how this has touched me, I have been in the same cycle with my son (26 years old, in herion recovery, in an outpatient methadone treatment plan that he is currently tapering from) I too just want/need to look forward & just let it progress. Thank you for sharing,

    • susanjsilva says:

      Our sons are the same age, and letting go and letting them go through what they need to is tough on us momma’s but eventually it can bring growth and change! Hang in there!

  2. Ann Richardson says:

    Hello, This is such a good word, and so true. I think we must keep our eyes on Jesus as he does the work, and that will give us His Peace… God Bless Ann


  3. RLS says:

    my son also 26 sober 2years..making healthier choices and smiling for real. I am so very grateful for each day..yet try to remind myself one day at a time. Today is a good day..
    Thank you for posting

  4. Sandy Tumbleson says:

    I have 2 sons who are addicts and im not doing to well they are both clean as I write this one lives with hiss sister and one lives with me I pray every day for them I also quit counting the days they are clean so any ideals you could pass to me, would be appreciated my e mail is bc i might lose this page and never find it again thank you so much your words were very helpful thank you

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