Here we are at the last of the SANITY principals. These 6 principals are what I cling to in this Journey. And as I continue to blog you will see them weaved in and out of my life experiences.
Yielding our lives, yielding over control coming to the place where we completely understand we can not control our addict can be a scary place. But please read on and see why its so important to:
Yield Everything to God;
“Here you go God, he/she is all yours I’m done”.
Sounds so simple doesn’t it,
I can’t tell you how many times I said that and meant it. Then before I even knew what I was doing I was taking my addict right out of God’s hand and trying once again to fix him myself. And truth be told I wasn’t capable of fixing anything. Matter of fact I can’t even fix myself.
I firmly believe the first thing we need to Yield to God is: OURSELVES. We have as much hope of fixing our enabling and our need to be in charge as we do of fixing our addicts. And the sooner we admit that, the sooner we will hand our addicts over to God and NOT take them back.
What does yielding oneself even look like? Because if it looks like weakness we are not apt to do it are we? It’s actually quite the opposite and if we understand that change needs to happen with us first before we can start to expect change to happen in our addict we will be willing to Yield. To let go of trying to control even our own lives.
Leslie Vernick in her book: The Emotionally Destructive Relationships writes;
“…deeper and more lasting change usually comes about when we regularly practice letting go rather than doing more… What if, in the end, Jesus isn’t going to tell us everything we’ve ever done wrong or failed to do? What if he’s going to show us the person we could have become and the things we could have done if only we allowed him to heal and mature us?”
Allison Bottke states: “
“True healing begins when we make the head-heart connection that we must “let go and let God” concerning all things, not just the painful situations concerning our adult children. This kind of surrender doesn’t mean we are giving up, that we no longer care what happens to our adult children. On the contrary, it means we relinquish their care to a far greater and infinitely more powerful Caregiver. It means at last that we have come to the end of our own selfishness and can now see the possibilities available when we step out of the way of spiritual progress”
And just like our dysfunctional addicts who easily slip back into their destructive behaviors if they are not yielding their lives over, so will we. If their recovery mirrors ours, or is at least a few steps behind us, shouldn’t we do whatever it takes to begin the process. Even if it means “letting go and letting God” start with us.
I have found myself right back at the enabling door ready to walk through it several times. It’s familiar, and can feel so right. I’m a parent, I’m supposed to provide and protect right? If I don’t yield over my behavior, willing open up the clenched fists with which I hold my will, and lift it up to the One who desires to work in me and through me, how pray tell can I even fathom that I would do so with my addict.
Yielding over that control has to start with me, then and only then will I understand the true benefit in doing so with my addict.