Boundaries not Walls

Too often I hear from parents battling with their emotions in regards to their addict say… I will never forgive them this time; they crossed the line for the last time by ________________(fill in the blank.)

Such statements and acts build walls of resentment and bitterness.  Neither serves us or them well.


  • Divide
  • Block our view
  • Bring isolation
  • Disconnect us.

Most of the times when we build such walls around us we forget to take the time to place doors and windows in those walls.  Thus making them unhealthy and toxic, this will lead to our hearts being sick with bitterness and resentment.

Boundaries on the other hand are made to include open spaces.  Those spaces are inviting and welcoming.  Boundaries take time to be put in place, they have to be researched and found.  Digging through the brush and brier to find the old bounds that marked out the land takes diligence, and gives us time to pull up the weeds and briers of resentment and bitterness all the while setting those boundaries around us.  Most of us have no clue where those boundaries are and why they were put in place to begin with.  Doing the hard work to firm up the boundaries gives us the time to work through the pain, releasing the toxic and unhealthy feelings of resentment and unforgiveness.

Boundaries say… I love you and want to invite you in on healthy terms.

Walls say… stay out, don’t come near.

Boundaries offer…support, hope and unconditional love.

Walls… can’t see the hope on the other side, or the love buried beneath the addiction.

Keep your heart open allowing for forgiveness, love and hope with good healthy Boundaries.

Forgiveness, love and Hope can never survive inside Walls.

2 comments on “Boundaries not Walls

  1. kris says:

    You make it so clear….so easy to figure out. I think that more time than not we all know what we want to do to help out addict…its just we cant figure it out. Its on the tips of our tongues… Boundaries are a good things for all things in life…we just need to remind ourselves to use them!

  2. Nanette says:

    Your thoughts are so beautifully expressed, and the imagery so powerful. I hope that through your words others will hear what I have come to know, that when I act from a place of love first then everything is exactly as it is intended. And my child and I are both free.

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